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Gig Report

Lord Nelson, Poole - Sun 22-Aug-2004
Well...........where to begin.

It all started at the last rehearsal i recall.
Naturally, talk turned to the up coming gigs, and myself
and Guy were shocked to discover that the gig in Poole was
to be a freebie.

We’ve done freebies before, no problemo. If it’s for charity, or if it’s gonna be a choice gig, then that’s just dandy.
All our gigs in the early days were freebies, and then, like now, we were just glad to be asked to play.

However, this freebie was a bit different.
It was a normal pub gig, and they wanted us from 3 - 6.
That’s a long old time for nothing, and a long way to go
for the same.
But it was only the first gig that would be free, the rest
would be payers, so okay then.

After last night’s shenanegans, we were feeling a little fragile and left a little late. Traffic problems too blahblahfuckinblah.
We eventually found the place, we were a tad late, and so got straight on with unloading and setting up.
Some of the punters were taking the piss a bit, but not in a jovial way. They were really digging at us for being late, and it became apparent that we could have been the fuckin Beatles and they wouldn’t have been happy.

Uphill from the start.

As i mention in the Nose thing, it doesn’t take us long to set up, so in no time at all we were ready to play.
The landlady then came up to me and Guy and pointed out that most awful of things......a NOISE LIMITER.
She said ’ That has 3 lights, and if the red one comes on it means you’re too loud. And if you’re too loud i can’t hear what the customers are ordering, and if i can’t do that i can’t take their money. ’
Well, at least someone was getting paid....
So we had a landlord and landlady pissed at us, the locals openly calling us cunts, and now a fuckin noise limiter.

Not looking good is it?

To get on their good side, i suggested opening with Tocatta.
See how they get on with that one.

It went down like a lead welly.

Okay, no probs, soldier on.....

So we play Summit to Say, featuring the immortal ’ Fuck off you fuckin whore ’ line.
We didn’t get to the end of the song.
The landlord was up on the stage telling us to stop, when we did, he said’ If the rest of your set’s gonna be like that you can fuck off home, we don’t have that kind of language in here.....’

Read that line again and tell me whats wrong with it.

So, and i like to think it was much to his surprise, we started packing up......eagerly.
The dick heads who were digging at us all of a sudden found the moral high ground, loudly slagging us off, saying we shouldn’t be singing stuff like that.
At this point i’d like to say the landlord was wearing one of those lame FCUK t-shirts.

So it’s okay to hint at the word FUCK but not to say it.
It’s okay to loudly threaten a band with violence to your mates but not say BOLLOCKS.

Yeah righto people. Just pull your fuckin heads out your arse and open your fuckin eyes.

YOU HAVE BOOKED A PUNK BAND CALLED FAR-CUE, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE’RE GONNA SOUND LIKE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!??!?!

They expect a fuckin Coldplay tribute act?

We got out of there of course, angry at first, then the anger turned to laughter, which, for me anyway, turned to sympathy.
For the people who can be that dumb, blinkered and sheltered.

The whole band would like to extend apologies to Willy and his crew who came from Weymouth to see one and a half songs.
You know who’s fault it was dudes.
We still felt bad for you though.

I’m sure Guy will put his own thoughts into the Forum, and fill in any gaps,but as funny as we eventually found it, the fact is it was a fuck up from the word go.
It really makes you appreciate venues like the Vic Bars and The Parsons Nose, where the punters are clued up and the landlords are too.

A weekend of ups and downs. Sometimes i despair, i really do.
Nights like Saturday make it worthwhile, days like today make you wonder why you fuckin bother.

We’re back in Newquay on Tuesday, at a new venue but hopefully it should be good.....hopefully we’ll be able to use the word FUCK, just like most other humans in this country do, and get away with it.
So if any of you Vic Bars regulars can make it down, we’ll be glad of the support.
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